Not worth it...

I'm in a phase in my life where everything seems so clear. I feel that I have drastically grown up in the past couple of months... I'm executing every plan I had previously decided upon and i'm getting closer by the second to reaching my goal... As I get closer and closer to what I want, I realize that it doesn't mean anything if you weren't here to share it with. I miss you, friend. I'm grateful you still care about my wellbeing.

"Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years."

"A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself."

I'll always be your friend... Keep doing great man and keep making me proud. Goodnight;*

Getting to know you tag...

Thaaank you confessions for tagging me;* Wanasa awal marra i get tagged.



1- Whats ur fav Disney movie of all time?

Akeed... Beauty and the Beast... Its the only disney movie that still gives me goosebumps and I learn something new every time I watch it. Also, it reminds me of one of my best friends who I miss very much.




2-Your favorite Disney song?

- Tale as old as time
- Kiss the girl (from The Little Mermaid)

3- Your top 3 favorite things to watch as a kid?

- Boy Meets World
- Full House
- 7th Heaven

Waayhh I miss those shows!

4- Your funniest badliya?

Wayed age6 badleyat bss ya3ne I'm sure my best friend would STRONGLY agree on:
- Simij (ya3ne semach)

Oo also laiman adares a7ad wandemej.. mathalan:
- Bri6in (Ya3ni Britain oo Brai6anya eb nafs el wagt)


5- The most creative way you can say "salam":

- Laiman asalim I always arfa3 eedi oo a9eer silent for some reason.
- Me and my sister say: Mogonda7 (for goodnight) and Bukhnadesombung (for goodmorning)... ee we're kinda strange.

6- If you could had to call your baby boy & girl American names, what would you choose?

hmmm... Taylor and Summer... (Just thought of them)


7- Your favorite teen actor and actress?

I have to agree with confessions here and say eli emathel Jacob Black! He totally made the movie worth watching.. I have no idea why hot guys don't walk around topless more often.

Oo girl actress, hmm... She isn't a teenager, she's our age bss she plays a teenager in 90210, Tate Duncan... Does that count?


8- Top 4 visited websites

- Youtube (ana akthar wa7da bedenya I use it lol)
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Google (I google wayed)


9- The youtube video you recommend the most?

I watch many movies, TV shows, Music videos eb Youtube, so i'd recommend everything.


10- Do you say Shakar or Shakir?

Shakir


11- Do you play a musical instrument & what is it?

- I used to play the Trumpet... and i was pretty good too.

12- Who is the person you'd want to meet the most?

I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet paul walker.

13- Your most prized possession:

- My friends and family (yes they belong to ME! I have abandonment issues)


14- The word " scrumptious" makes you feel?

- It makes me feel sick... Because I pictured doughnuts and I'm SO FULL 7aliyan...


15- The song that reminds you of summer the most is?

Summer Jam For sure! I always imagine a beach nearby when i listen to it...

Its MY time...

I have just realized what it really means to love yourself... For the past two years, I have been falling further and further down, hitting rockbottom only to find a newer rock bottom... It was SO hard, almost impossible, to decide to fix my life... I didn't know where to start... One day, I just decided to FIX IT!

Miracle...

The decision to fix my life, the drive behind this decision, has pushed me to happiness... I lost some weight, I remember how to study again, I am able to have FUN... el7emdelaaa... Life is good...

I have made many stupid decisions, decisions that put me under the 'pathetic loser' category... But I don't regret it... If i regret those decisions, its as if i'm regretting being me... And I love me... This is who I am... If I don't like you, I won't hurt you, I would just be indifferent... But if I love you, I won't ever be too proud to show you that I love you... I love my family, I love my friends, I love people... Even those who hurt me, Even those who dislike me, there's plenty of love here...

A month ago, I used to feel sorry for the fat girl that the mirror reflected... She disgusted me... I actually envied those girls who just had LOOKS, the girly girls guys liked, even if they were airheads and drama queens...

Now, I look at the mirror, I see ME... genius, strength, faith, loyalty, and a heart that won't ever stop loving...

The extra weight is fading away, and when that happens in a couple of months, even superwoman will have to watch out...

On April 24th 2008, my life broke into tiny little pieces...

On August 24th 2008, An angel put those pieces back together... And for that angel, I will always be grateful...

I can't repay my Angel, but I can pay it forward... And i promise that i will try my best to help anyone in need... I will always love people and consider their happiness... I also promise, that I will help myself first...

Goodnight;*

Bad bad bad decisions...

Ana weddi afham shay... When i'm faced with two choices, and my really really really smart brain tells me which path to follow, WHY don't I LISTEN TO IT!? Whyyy do i always choose the STUPID STUPID STUPID choice! Laish ma asma3 kalaaaaaaaaammm nafsi.. Why do i ALWAYS follow my heart.. STUPID STUPID heart... Ya nass mn elyom oo raye7 ... Think with ur head and care about 3 things,

1) SUCCESS
2) ENDORPHINS
3) FUN

SCREW EVERYTHING ELSE...

Its been a while..

ullaah mn zeman mo katba shay... Actually mn zeman mo 7asa enni i needed to write anything.. Elyom my cousin told my sister enha 7almana eb uboy... oo zebdat el 7elm enna my dad was za3lan 3alaina bel 7elm... Fasart el 7elm eb kaifi oo 7asait enna for some reason mo rathi 3alaina cuz its been a while since i visited him bel magbara.. It really has been a while... So bacher e9eb7 gabel el dawam lazem aro7... I miss him;***

I hate men... So i'm withdrawing forever... And i hate girls so that rules out lesbianism... So my new plan is enni i drop out of jam3a, ahajer waro7 Cuba washteri a crappy saikal, and live in a portable tent... Ofcourse i shall ruin every means of communication... EXILE! I might allow only 5 people to know my whereabouts. I will buy a boat to go fishing to make some money, won't need much... And i will live happily ever after.

Winter breeze...

The beautiful winter breeze is soon visiting our land
I can feel it close by when outside on the balcony I stand

It is my favorite place to be this time in the year
Its calm, peaceful, beautiful, and there's nothing to fear

I sit, cover myself with a blanket, and gather my every thought
No one can disturb the serenity, which is what i always sought

Its different this time, I find myself lost and confused
My thoughts aren't comforting anymore, I'm rarely amused

I know I have complained and battled my inner self many a time
I myself don't understand why I have fallen before i ever tried to climb

Its time that those who love me, give up too on who i can become
My discontent will push them away, To my mediocrity I should just succumb

I know that in the end, it is only I, who's expectations were never met
But no man likes to associate himself with a loser who wastes time being upset

Oh how I wish everything can be fixed in just the blink of an eye
That's how lazy I am, wishing for an easy way out, I don't know why

I fully understand now how no man has ever fallen for me
I don't blame them, Not even I can look at a mirror and stand the reflection I see

The problem here is that I'm smart and I know I can just fix it all
I don't need advice nor an intervention, I already got the wake up call

My greatest fear is my insecurities might cost me those i love the most
I have already become a burden, I'm sure they're already grossed

Its because of them I can smile everyday, and have a shred of hope and drive
Hope that someday I might be the person I want to be, the person that would strive

Meanwhile, I gather my thoughts on the balcony, hug my knees, and rest my head
Praying I can peacefully sleep tonight, hopefully without the help of any meds.

Say what you need to say...

You admire those who keep their feelings inside
You think they're collected and by the rules they abide

No matter what happens, the fake smile never leaves their face
Little do you know, the true delicacy of life they'll never taste

Their feelings exist but to themselves they're never true
They never seize their moments, not one, not even a few

They walk by their lives with many opportunities lost
Because they fear their actions might make them pay high costs

To them, its easier to be safe than risk ever being sorry
While in fact its fear not safety that takes over their story

They fail to make a move, yet make it seem a decision so smart
Which makes you seem like an idiot when you want to follow your heart

It confuses them, how much for the truth you're willing to lose
Ignore them, risk your life for what your heart tells you to choose

Always stay true, though its hard to stay honest, you should try
Say what you need to say, before the moment just passes you by

City of Angels...

Shayfeen el movie?

I was listening to iris, goo goo dolls... oo awal marra i actually listen to the words... and I thought about the movie... An angel wanting to be human, wanting mortality... For love... I wish i could be one of those people who separate movies from reality... But I'm not... I believe in THAT kind of love.. The love depicted in the movie and shared through the words of this song... I refuse to believe that marriage and relationships are ma9ale7 and just a business deal... I will always stay true to myself, a fairytale believer, and i'm never gonna change...

Iris, Goo Goo Dolls:

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I dare you.

Today i was giving some motivational speech to my friend.. And i'm pretty sure it was a great speech... But for once in my life.. en9edamt by her reply..

She said: Do you actually believe eli g3da tgoleena? entayy urself are u met2athra mn hal kalam eli g3da tjarbeen teqne3eeni fee?

me: Yes.. oo I'll do it... I will Do something with my life.. ra7 a7el Moshkelti!


Awal marra eb 7ayati akteshef enni i'm full of shit... walla jadd... Who the hell do i think i am enni a36i advice oo msawya nafsi ana eli fahma edenya.. when in reality i should be looking at the mirror... agol 7g el nass "get over ur problems, rise, kick ur obstacles in the ass, you can do it.. and on and on and on..." While I, Myself, am the laziest person I know 7aleyan...

Bath3af... asawi rejeem bacher
Badres.. La a6ale3 show now adress bacher
Basawi cham meshwar... Wee maykhalef next week
Baro7 i visit yaddi.. la khalas in a couple of days
Baro7 el nadi... hmm chenna mako time elyom? bacher
bagra qesa... hmm chenna mali khelg, tv a7san

LAIN META?! Chan zain a2ajel my meals! chan atleast i accomplish shay! Bss fal7atli "anaaa KENT nerd.. ana KENT sh7elwi... ana KENT helpful... ana KENT and KENT and KENT.." ee lain metaaa 3ad?? magoooooool 7g nafsi ela

GET OVER URSELF!

Why are you SO AFRAID to GET UP and just start living?? Why are you afraid to work to ur full potential...?? (hathi el moshkela.. el potential.. el potential eli maskeeeen mawjood bss ma7ad mlageee wayh!) I'm sick of asking myself hal question 9arlii million senna.. MO LAZEM I GET HAL ANSWER ZAIN!

I'm not gonna say enni yalla i'm starting a new day with a new dream and a new goal and i believe in myself and all that crap! I'm doing one thing...

I'm DARING myself...

I DARE me to lose half my weight!
I DARE me to get a 4.0 on BOTH Courses this year!
I DARE me to fight for a humane cause!

You know why i'm daring myself? Because I never back down from a dare! Because there's nothing i can't do! Not only is this something i "can" do.. This is something I WILL do!

There's a quote by Marianne Williamson that i love...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I believe in what she said...
I believe in myself...
I believe in all of you...

and...

I dare YOU... to challenge yourself, face your fear, and hopefully help me face mine...

A boy...

This is a story about a "boy" ...

Anyone who saw this boy from a distance, would see a regular, indistinctive, normal boy...

He loved sports. He wasn't tall so he had to work much harder than the rest of the kids... He loved to compete... Even if he started out being the last, he wouldn't stop trying until he was the best. As a teenager, he won many medals especially in swimming and diving competitions. Even though his swimming talents were remarkable, this boy had another dream. He wanted to be a coach, much like the coach that guided him and served as his utmost symbol of respect.

One day, while the boy was driving back home from college, he got distracted. And don't we all? If not preoccupied by our phones, or radios, or some story being told... His distraction however, changed his life... The boy crashed into a truck.. Luckily no one was severely injured.. He felt his knee sore and figured it was from the crash... so he went to get it checked out.

The eighteen yearold boy entered the hospital that day, with the hopes that it was nothing.. but, he left the hospital with a diagnosis of osteosarcoma, cancer that starts at the knee..

Back then, his only chance of survival was to amputate his right leg several inches above his knee.

That changed his life. It changed everything. One might think a person in that position would be exempt from life, for he had no choices to make. His cards were dealt. His dreams were broken. He could never be the man he aspired to become. However, contrary to many's beliefs, the boy created two options...

He could accept his slow demise...

Or fight till the last breath...

He chose to fight, to beat it. He knew it was going to be hard... He knew it was going to kill his energy, might, strength... But he was going to try again... Even if he failed, he was going to try again, and again, and again, and again...

My readers might think he was only trying that hard to ensure his own survival from the battle with cancer.. However that boy's aspirations were much wider... He literally wanted to BEAT cancer... He wanted a miracle... He wanted HOPE...

After training as an amputee, this young boy made a CHOICE... He decided to run accross his whole country... and raise one dollar from every citizen, for cancer research... It was just a dream... It was out of reach...

Considering the circumstances of his amputated leg and fatal heart problem, it was IMPOSSIBLE...

People told him, "You can't do it."
Just like they said, "You can't Cure CANCER."


But the boy wanted exactly that... to make the impossible, not only possible, but beautifully within reach....

On April 20, 1980, the boy started the marathon and completed 3,339 miles...

"...everybody seems to have given up hope of trying. I haven't. It isn't easy and it isn't supposed to be, but I'm accomplishing something. How many people give up a lot to do something good. I'm sure we would have found a cure for cancer 20 years ago if we had really tried."

On September 1st, the boy was forced to stop because his cancer had spread to his lungs... He had to leave for treatment...Eight days after he had to leave, the Marathon of Hope kept going and raised 24.17 million dollars for Cancer research...
The boy achieved his goal of raising one dollar from every citizen of his country...

One month before he turned 23, the boy passed away... Only immortal as a national hero in his country... and many other countries...

The boy, as we all know him, is Terry Fox...






A young boy, with an illness that weakens every inch of the body, had that much drive to give HOPE.... To do good, for the sake of goodness... The motivation and drive that he had are beyond the capacity of anyone I know.... What happened to us? What happened to Kuwait? What happened to Arabs? What happened to Muslims?

Is this why our religion is superior to the alternatives...? Is this what we are proud of?

A parliment guided by 50 men in which the young generation can't choose five from which whom they trust....
A society fal7a eb bss menu flan oo 3elan oo laish a9elna a7san oo laish a9elhum madre shsalfeta..
Nass so consumed in criticizing other mathahebb that they actually forget to abide by their own beliefs...
Zyadat malls oo malls oo malls oo malls, oo me7tareen mn dbai cuz nabi more malls....

Lets stop blaming those who have the power to Change our country...

If we're SICK of what's happening why not learn from the "TERRY's" of the world and TAKE the power!

Lets change the world... By starting here... eb ourselves, our families, our country...

Rmethan is due to arrive in a couple of days... Lets promise to do good things... Ghair el qur2an... Ghair e9alaat... Those are a given... Lets do more!



Please share ur thoughts on how we can make a difference;*

I have a problem :( Help me...

I'm writing this because i have reached a point in which i am really desperate for your help.. PLEASE help me i'm not joking its a real problem!

ana Garga..

Actually garga is a BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG understatement...

WAYED!

WAYEDDDD GARGA!!

I can speak and speak and speak.. and mo lazem eli jedami 7attan nods.. I just keep on going and going and going and going...

Shasawi... shlon agol ---> Zebdat esalfa.... As opposed to every single DETAIL!

please take this seriously...

Thank u;*

August 25;*

Once upon a time, a time so long ago... a time prosperous with the existence of magical fairytales.. there lived a prince... He had everything the naked eye could possibly see; wealth, unlimited power, and unfortunately, every cruel trait accompanying both..

One cold night, when the sky was faint and the earth was fogged... A knock echoed against the walls of the monumental palace.. The prince saw before him an old lady, who begged him to buy but a simple rose.. He smirked and she realized at once, the ghostly night wasn't nearly as sinister as the man standing upon her...

The prince pushed her away ... banishing her from stepping foot on his grounds ever again... The old lady instantly transformed, assuming the form of a breathtaking young fairy... The mere terror drove the prince into hysteria... He fell on his knees begging for mercy...

Be as it may, she desired nothing more than to feed him a hint of his own venomous medicine.. She turned his palace into a gloomy castle, the angel statues into fierce gargoyles, his servants into furnishings... and him...

She turned HIM into a monster..

He wept at her feet, pleading for compassion... But her compassion granted him only one precious thing... The rose.. accompanied by an ultimatum... If he didn't find love before the last petal of the rose falls... He will remain a monster for eternity...

Is it possible... Can it ever be?

Can an eye ever possibly see the BEAUTY in a BEAST.... ?

To bb or not to bb...

The following scenario is real... reported by a Kuwaiti Tenth grader..

Setting: School, Recess (aka. break)...

Everyone is enjoying their lunch break... You can see all the groups of kids chatting, playing some sport, eating, rushing to complete their late homework... or as we all can guess, checking out their blackberries...

Suddenly, most of them get a msg...

"Flana leflani tara feeha chethi oo chethi... oo elyom betsawii chethi oo tara ehya eli thak elyom kanat mwa3daa after school... xoxo gossip girl.."

The msg reaches the students and all of them stare at the gossip girl victim of the day...

Hilarious!

Mo 9ejj... I still can't get over hal salfa walla its a joke! 6ab3an I need not tell you how the students took care of gossip girl when her identity was exposed... It was NOT pretty.

What happened to childhood? Seriously? I look at fifteen year old girls going to school... Its like they wash up and change their clothes, wear six of the latest cartier bracelets on one wrist and another two hermes bracelets on their other wrist... throw on a pair of van cleef earrings... ballerinas... carry a God knows what side bag... then off to school they go..

I remember a simpler time, when puma shoes and Jansport backbacks were the "7addi a9lan mta3ba nafsi oo kaashkhaa" attire! I still remember the pair of orange puma's my friends and I got together. We thought that looked hot. Now when i look back, i realize how loser-esque we were... But isn't that part of childhood? Having fun, doing simple things to build bonds with your new/old friends...

I don't think its acceptable when teenage girls try to reenact TV shows imagining they're part of a high school in the upper east side, NY... Since when do 14 year old girls wear the same clothes and attitude as 28 year olds.. Tara kelshay 7elo eb stages even if its with something as minor as clothes...

On one hand though, its only natural that children want to imitate sophisticated grown ups... But its the grown up's JOB to allow children their right to childhood..

They have the rest of their lives to enjoy the limited amenities of adulthood..

She makes the world a better place...

The weather is beyond hot... Its almost too hot to function... I get up though, to go to my "auditing" lecture. Luckily, the professor isn't boring so its not that bad. Also, its fine when i'm inside a building, opposed to being outdoors, without a beach nearby. Its 11:40 am so I head to where my friends and i normally meet during our breaks. We chat, laugh, complain, gossip, and occasionally make a fool of ourselves, forgetting that one of the professors' offices is right outside our hangout. I get in the car when my "educational" day is over and head home. The music on the radio makes me think about my life....

What I want...
What I dream of...
What I missed...
What I regret...
What I think I can't get...
What my life would've been...
What I love...
What I still remember...
What I lost...
What I gained...

I finally reach home and agonize over the fact that i'm gonna get out of the car and face the burning sun, even though just for thirty seconds...

AS I head to the front door... I change my direction and head to the backdoor to go to my brother's apartment.. Its too early so my brother and sister in law are not home from work yet... I open the door... and there she is...

The joy of our house... my beautiful niece...

She was preoccupied with her baby walker but the instant I appeared, the smile that grew on her face was mesmerizing... I pick her up and put her on my lap and we watch barney... She gets too excited when barney is on and starts to clap and make noises, thinking she's talking to him... She's so adorable that I fear I can kiss her to death... Five minutes later she gets agitated so i place my finger on her chin... She tries to bite it.. so I tell the nanny to prepare her milk because she's hungry... I feed her... she looks me straight in the eyes while she's drinking and falling asleep in my arms... My heart beats faster, for the most beautiful thing is sleeping in my arms... I then find myself promising her...

I will never let anyone hurt you...
I will will teach you and show you everything...
I will love you no matter who you become...
I will love you no matter who you will fall in love with...
I will love you no matter how many mistakes you make...

Baby juju then holds my pinky finger... and for that minute... that beautiful minute.... The world is a better place...

Loss..

Dear shinazi,

When you left.. I was strong.. I knew I would be okay… I knew that this is life.. People come and people go.. I knew I was going to be okay.. I was positive I was going to be okay… I was okay… But now… more than a year later … I realized that it was so easy to be amazing when you were around… It was so easy to be a good student, a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter… But now… I realized that the real test is being all that without you around… That was the test… I failed the test… I failed you… I don’t recognize myself.. I don’t remember my old self.. And I don’t want to do anything about anything… Having an amazing family and friends can’t cover up the fact that I’m a big disappointment.. You used to always tell me how proud you were of me… I don’t think you would feel that way now… I hate how much I miss you! No one understands! I feel like a kid and no one understands! Khalas ya3ne I’m supposed to be over it! I try my best to just be normal but I’m not normal.. There are many things I never told you! I never told you that ur phone calls used to make my day.. I never told you how much your love kept me out of trouble… I never told you that I never needed anyone else.. I never told you that I still watch “the Rock” and remember how u never got to watch the whole movie.. We used to always make fun of you! Or about “Rain Man”, when we had the scene mal Dustin Hoffman and Tom cruise bel phone booth! Athkerrrr laiman u CRIED mn el the7ek! I never told you how much you made me laugh when you used to wake us up mn el nom by doing that crazy massage of yours eli chenna earthquake.. I never told you how much i loved that old 90s nike training suit even though kent a3ayebb 3alaik wayedd.. I never told you that when kent you hold my hand while netmasha in London… how safe that made me feel.. Even though I was nineteen… how my friends used to make fun of me… When I used to watch romantic movies and say, “abiii a7ad e7ebni..” You would come and open ur arms and say, “ana a7ebech..” I used to say, “mabeek t7ebni”… I never told you that it was enough.. Your love was enough… Its all I ever needed… I never told you how you meant the whole world to me.. I’m screwed up bedonek baba! Madre shasawi.. Yubba u always had the answers yubba madre shasawi! Yubba ana thay3a.. ana ta3bana bedonek I need you to be here.. Yubba abe akalmek.. I need you to tuck me in bed.. … Everyone is taking care of me bss yubba they can’t replace you! Wainek! I wanna see you! Just one more time.. They took you away… I didn’t even say good bye.. All I wanted to do is hug you just one more time,… Just tell you ennaa You were enough… I never needed anything else.. You were enough… you were my hero.. you were and always will be the number one man in my life… You raised me and taught me how to be me… I was good.. I was great.. I used to see the pride in your eyes when you saw me… I’m sorry that I’m nothing without you… I’m sorry I failed you…

Thank you..

Dreams…

Dreams are not true… You sleep, enter a new world and leave reality behind. Its beautiful though… You enter a world of fairytales, miracles, and endless possibilities… Such things that do not particularly pertain to the real world… Its magical when you meet someone, a friend, family, soul mate, that make your dreams a reality… a Dream… a phenomenal unearthly journey to a land of mystical mysteries…

A dream however should not be mistaken with illusions… when you give a person a false impression, you’re creating an illusion. Its deception…. Its not a dream… it’s a lie! And that’s what you did… Even though you never lied… Knowing you was a lie…

I Miss You

9arli modda 7addi mako motivation eni akteb something interesting.. bss seriously , i really miss my friend Sara, who is currently enjoying her summer course eb UCLA! living the dream... living THE dream... with her hot prof. eli yogaf 3al desk oo eqaled certain hot statues mo lazem enyeeb 6areehumm... andddd she bbm'd me a pic of reese witherspoon ams kanat jedamha bel cafe.. while i was here enjoying the rainbow of colorful shades of yellow ghbaaar... I Miss you saro... i wish i was with u guys!! Love u sis;*

I NEED YOUR HELP

Hi all.. So i'm trying to write a story.. An actual story.. And I'm giving you all a sneak peek... I really really really need a lot of comments to know if it grabs ur attention. please.. THANK YOU SO MUCH;****

Ps. Tara its a comedy.. adre hard to believe by the events ur going to read now.. bss this is the first scene...

Sneak Peek:

She was standing still, shivering... Though the mansion was freezing, it wasn't nearly as cold as his eyes. After moments of silence, he spoke.

“I pity you. And I also feel somewhat sad. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad because I feel something for you. I’m sad because I feel sorry for throwing you out of my house. So here’s twenty KD. I’ll also be generous enough to give you half an hour. When I get back, I don’t want to see you here. Oh, and remember, you leave, my children stay. Do you understand?”

Surprisingly, his question, “do you understand” was very suitable considering the situation Jude was in. Jude understood many things, however at that moment, she did not fathom anything Adam was saying. She didn’t even know what to ask. She didn’t know what was going on. He threw the twenty KD at her and walked away.

“Adam.” She called.

“Jude. Have you no self esteem? Hahahah. I know I know. Self esteem? You? What a joke. Honey, get out with some dignity. Go on.” He said.

“Get out where? Why? I don’t understand! I didn’t do anything wrong! I can’t leave my children! I won’t leave my children.” She cried hysterically!

“Oh really? And what are you going to tell the judge when you fight me? Don’t forget what you are. Now get out!” He yelled. The echoes of his voice scared his daughter, who followed his voice to the dining room.

“Mom, Dad! What’s going on? Why are you fighting? Mom, why are you crying?” Asked their twelve year-old daughter.

“Get out Sara!” yelled Adam.

“No! I won’t! Why are you making mom cry?” She demanded.

“I see our lovely daughter gets her bad traits from your side of the family. While we’re on that subject, how about we tell her about your family roots, Jude.” Said Adam, cunningly.

“Sara, go upstairs. Now!” Jude Demanded. She couldn't let her children know about her roots. Sara was shocked.. She stared but knew better than to further defy her father. She went to her room.

“Now, may you leave?” Asked Adam. Jude looked the man she married thirteen years ago in the eye.

“I will take my children.” She stated.

Adam grabbed her by her neck and shoved her into the wall. He beat her while she was screaming and kicking for help. She tried to fight and kick back but her petite frame did not support her struggle. The more she tried, the more he beat her. She lay helpless on the floor. Then he pulled her to the door and picked her up. He did not show any mercy. By that time, Jude was unconscious. He drove her away from his house and woke her up. He wanted her to see what he was going to do. He wanted her to remember this moment. He wanted her to be forever scarred.

“Get up.” He said as he nudged her.

“Where am I?” She cried. It was one of those rare rainy nights. She didn’t recognize the city, the houses, anything. Adam got out of the car, opened her door and got her out of the car. When she tried to resist his attempts, he grabbed her hair and pulled her out of the car. She fell and by the time she tried to force her bruised body to get up, Adam and his car were long gone.

Slow death...

7:00 am… The loud alarm goes off…

7:40 am… Sara is still sleeping

8:00 am… The loud alarm goes off… again…

Sara ignores the hideous creature that her clock has become… She slightly remembers the course she took last semester about pollution.. She recalls mocking the writers about considering noise pollution as an actual problem… Boy does she take that back now…

10:00 am… She opens her eyes… only to check if she already missed the quiz she was supposed to take that day… She realized that she did indeed miss the fourth quiz yet, this semester only… “Oh, what the hell, why not sleep it off… kharba kharba.. I’ll think about it later..”

4:00 pm… She forces herself to get up…

While taking a shower, she thinks…. ‘what am I going to do today? Study maybe? Yeah I should study…’

7:00 pm… She speaks to her friends on the phone, “wayhhh mali khelg maaali khelgg adress!! Sh3endekum? Ta3aaalaw baitna or lets do something… ok ok.. Yalla see u in a bit..”

10:30 pm … She’s back in her room… thinking ‘lazem adress..’ Then she goes and spends some time with her family…

12:30 am… She attempts to go sleep…

5:30 am… She’s still attempting to sleep… Brick breakers… Tv shows… bored… bored… Lonely… every sane person is asleep…

Its that time when Sara thinks about her life… What it has become… A series of empty events… Going out… having fun… unhealthy eating habits… She has EVERYTHING… yet she’s doing nothing… She looks at her wall, only to find more than 46 awards that represent what she used to be… The high honors, her participation in every little thing she could lay a finger on… Basically, all in the past… That successful girl is gone, dead… If only she studies… If only she exercises… If only she MOVES ON… If only, if only, if only…. She closes her eyes… knowing that “If only’s” exist only in fairytales …

The next day is as the day before… so is the next… and the next… and the next… Suddenly, the downfall “phase” has evolved only to become a downfall “ERA”….

One night… The night that she thought would become the end of her… The night she decided to give up.. To give in and accept the new nothingness of her being… The night she actually considered not falling in love, just to satisfy her low self esteem… The night she covered all her fears with her blanket and wanted to sleep it off and sleep her LIFE off… That night… Sara WOKE UP...

She woke up… looked at her reflection… and didn’t recognize the figure staring back at her…

People reached the moon… Kuwaiti women reached the parliament… and Sara reached Rock bottom...

That moment… The moment she realized she hit rock bottom, Sara decided, from now on… her life will only go upward from there… She will come back.. And she will come back strong… She will tackle every fear, every weakness, every predicament, and every drawback…

"Failure, like the darkness of night, may slow me down. But the dawn will come, the sun will shine again, and I will be on my way..."




PS. Last line is a quote..
oh and mnmaana fansha mn mavali resa mnmalesh jaglabooooot;****

Time for change..

Change... People change the nature of their future… They change their opinions.. They change the way they look.. They change their personalities and standards… They change moods… They change rules… They change schools… They change homes.. They grow up and with each different stage.. They change to adapt… and with that… They change lifestyles..


I hate change… My life started as I know it in seventh grade… I was shy, always hiding behind the shadows of my amazing, loved, and popular siblings… I was never smart, never pretty, never shone in any way.. But it was okay.. Because my sister, my half, was and is still the smartest and most beautiful girl I will ever know.. So because she’s a part of me… It was like I was the beautiful and smart one…

In seventh grade, one of my friends introduced me to her group… a group of girls… That’s when my life began…

When middle school was over, I was afraid high school would change us.. It didn‘t… When high school was over I was afraid graduating would change us.. It didn’t.. Although every older person said it would… My best friends became my family, the people who see right through me… We have become each others’ escape from reality… We study together… We eat together… We practically live together… Their families are my families and vice versa… Now, our college life is almost over… Now, change is inevitable.. We can’t avoid it.. We can’t escape it.. We can’t CHANGE it!

Some of us will go study abroad… Some of us will join competitive firms that will keep us busy… Some will get married… Change isn’t bad… Its hard… It seems as if I’m a kid that enjoys being in her protective bubble and afraid to go into the real world.. Maybe that is the case… Maybe its not… I’m not sure…

Today… I realized that change causes some frustration and confusion, especially to those who are not ready to adjust to that change… people like me… I just wanted to say this… to everyone facing change… to my best friends…

Priorities change, careers, husbands, children will come first…But no one will ever know me as much as you do.. No one will know every cut, every smile, every fall, every heartbreak, every triumph, every mistake, every detail of our childhood… We will all get married and have children… We probably will reunite every once in a while.. Not nearly enough… But no matter how apart we might seem to be, I will still be the escape from your reality… when you need a best friend… always and forever…

A nightmare every girl wishes for...

Panic, fear, nausea, is what she feels today
We try to calm her down in any possible way
She doesn’t have time to breathe, drink or eat
She’s shaking, she couldn’t even take a seat
There’s no way to describe the way she feels today
All we want is to calm her down in any possible way

They call her and tell her she’s really running late
As if she needed more pressure, she’s about to faint
She rushes and tries to prepare for the unpreparable
Her hand shakes and she feels the butterflies unbearable
She feels her shoulders are frozen and so very tense
The adrenaline is enough to help her jump a high fence

Her nails frenched, her make up perfect, everything is done
She’s still nervous, afraid, and knows the night won’t be fun
She takes one last glance at the mirror to judge her reflection
She’s not aware of the fact that the mirror reflects perfection
With the most graceful walk, she heads to the man she’ll be a wife
Its true, she’s the most beautiful creature that will ever encounter his life

Ordinary...

Dalal looked at the mirror… She liked the image it reflected… She knew she wasn’t beautiful… Her hair wasn’t exquisite… Her figure was barely acceptable… She was cute and had a very pretty smile… She wasn’t beautiful but it was the most she could pull off… She re-applied lipstick on her dry lips… She couldn’t take so long… They just announced the arrival of the bride, one of her closest friends… She went back to the breath-taking ballroom… She found her way back to her friends, who were standing in unison awaiting their best friend’s entrance into the most magical stage of her life… It took only a moment to realize that the room wasn’t what was breath taking… It was in fact the bride… Dalal literally placed her hand on her heart to slow down her heart beats… She struggled to keep the waterfalls caged in her small eyes… The bride was fit for a queen…

The bride stood and looked at the people who loved her most, her friends… It was time for those closest to her heart to dance… Dalal looked around and she couldn’t help but see the beauty… Her friends were all beautiful… The light fair ones, the dark ones, the tall ones, the short ones, the petite ones, the chubby ones…The ones with hair short, long, straight, and curly… They all looked amazing… They all had stories… They all had adventures… They were all enjoying the best times of their lives… Some were experiencing love, others were just utilizing every bit of their youth…. Dalal looked back at her life… She was loved by everyone… She was a part of every one of those adventures…

If her friends had successful love stories… She helped make it happen…
If they had good grades… She was a big part of their motivation..
If they were on the wrong path… She was their wake up call…
If they were in trouble… She was their safety…
If they felt despair… She was their hope…

They didn’t owe her anything… She just played a major role in the movie of their lives…

Dalal smiled… and realized that never once in her life, was she the star of the movie of her own life… Why would she be…?

If she herself saw the reflection of an ordinary girl… how could anyone else see her any differently...

Confessions of a Shopaholic??

The movie sucks....

There goes an hour and a half of my life i'm not getting back...

Awal shay... el cast... No comment... KELISH mo laygeeeeeen 3al roles! Kelish... Thanii shay el TAMTHEEL?? 7asaait enni i'm watching one of my old school projects that i taped eb serdaabna... Mako Flow... oo 7addi i didn't feel the love... The funniest part was when she danced and made a fool of herself... That kinda made me laugh...

Ohh Laaawwww kaan feee a teeny tiny tiny tiny part of us (amosh and I) that might have liked the movie... Sobo (rfeejti) killed it with all her might!! Yes Yes she's the same friend eli ga3da yammi eb twilight.. eli she gets violent when she's in a movie... SO there she was ga3da yammi.. oo kel ma 9ar shay ma 3ajaabha.. She punches The closest thing she can find ... In this case... ME!! The movie was maleeq... FQ kanat ga3da bro7haa eb Row thani cuz mako tickets... Oo Toosh kan 3ajebha el film fa t'hawashna cuz galat enna we're high maintenance freaks oo e7na gelna 3anha shallow...oo Thank you Sobo for tesheyeshing me even more and making the movie unbearable... It was a very successful 6al3a...

I woke up gabel ams with this Big thing on my face... it looked like i was being abused by someone.. Chennaaa bigggg bruise or shay chethi... (Lets just say i'm clumsy)

Ukhoi lekbeer shafne chan egol Shennu hatha??

Me: Hosha.. Rfejtii 6agatni (monotone...obviously joking)

Him: ENTAW 3abalkumm SHABAB?!?!

Me: Dude... Calm down... I'm kidding jesus

Him: ahh okay.. shenu jesus entay weya 7jabech

Me: i watch too many movies (KELA mennich!! U know who u are... 9eJJ man 3ashara qawman... )

Elmohim, back to my bruise-like thing ... ya3ne kelish kelish i wasn't able to go and see people.. so i took advantage of that day to stay home... 7ag ummi... le2anha ga3da tgol eni hayta...

Conversation...

Me: Yummma!! Kella ga3deen bel bait.. ya el mamlaka (bait rfejti toosh leb3eed) or eb BAIT SOBO!! (sorry sobo for using u as my endless excuse)

Mom: oo b3dain?? 3abalech byot rfejatich mo hyata?

Me: Laa2!! enjabel ba3ath yumma e7na el four kelyommm oo yumma ya3ne mo mn be3d bait'hum kelha five minutes..

Mom: Ratbayy jadwal 6al3aatech... MAY9eeer Kelyomm!! Mo 3aib 3alaichh shegolon enaas?

Me: yeah yeah Sure (may9er a7enn b3dain et3aned... khal agolaha okay oo tensa bacher;* sorry mama if ur reading this.. LoL)

Abi as2al so2al... etha ana kelyom a7eb I go out.. bss go out as in.. I wake up... eat breakfast eb bait one of my best friends eli en3aref ba3athh since forever... oo we hang out there.. study.. sowalef... do whatever.. then like go meshaweer.. get stuff done.. maybe maybe cafe or mokan low-key.... Go to a place fe nass like once or twice a week... Why is it so wrong? ya3ne okay its not like i'm going e9eb7 reyoooggg eb avenues b3dain ghada Slider b3dain 3a9er till maghreb eb coffee republic b3dain 3asha madre wain b3dain as'har 3nd my friend, every day..

Mom: entay bss te6le3en mn el bait aye mokan.. 7attan Lo jam3eya.. ma7soba 3alaich 6al3a..


9ejj kheera.. The stupid thing eli 6ala3 eb wayhi... oo ga3adt bel bait... ummi 7adha stanesat.. b3dain e3taraftlaha enna i stayed because of the big bruise thing... I felt guilty... fa i promised to stay home 3ashanha another day lol...

So any of u guys emwajheen moshkela bel "hyata" weya ahalkum? Share Please;***


btw (hal kalam 7g H&S) I hope u know enna even though i don't see u much... I love u wayed... ull always be my sisters;** oo Tayo yalla redday mn el sufar we miss u;**

He Loves me... He Loves me not...

Scene: At a friend’s house… hanging out… talking…

A: tkhayelaw… tathkeroon ex Sara? Elii kanaw e7ebon ba3ath wayed bss ahalhum ma ra7 yerthon so they broke up?

Everyone: ee?

A: tadroon enna tawa he had a daughter and he called her sara..
Some girls: awwwwhh!! 7arammmm!! Kan 9ejj e7ebha!! HATHA el 7ub!!


Okay…


There’s this trend… This is the fourth guy I’ve heard eli sama his daughter 3ala the girl he used to love… That’s not quite the problem. The real problem is that the girl who used to date this guy becomes really flattered.. She’s so happy that this guy is still thinking about her.. Even though she doesn’t love him anymore. Even though she has moved on… It makes her happy and it gives her a sense of triumph…


Personally, I would be very offended if a guy I used to love calls his daughter after me…

Reasons:

1) It would make me a freak to want to consume a part of his heart when he belongs (emotionally AND legally) to another girl.

2) My love for him would be clearly based on a lie.. Because I would NEVER intentionally love a guy who would do such a disrespectful thing.

3) It would exactly feel like a married stranger is flirting with me.. Either he’s a bad guy.. Or I’m seducing a married man…both not amusing

4) Love CAN last an eternity after you break up, however your actions based on that love END the day u END the relationship… Anything beyond that means you’re crossing the line.

5) I would put myself in his wife’s shoes… Man that would suck… since I’m putting myself in her place, and that situation would offend her, it would offend me too.


Banat… When you love a guy… Wouldn't you love him more than anything? Sometimes more than your friends… Think of it this way… When your bestest bestest bestest friend eli t7eboonha more than anyone tenkhe6eb…. Don’t you feel happy for her? Okay okay 9ejj enna its gonna be different.. This girl eli she’s 24/7 mjaabletech ra7 tro7... Bss won’t you be happy for her.. You would keep your sad feelings for yourself and let her go… Why? Because it would make HER happy.. Oo entaw t7eboonha…

It’s the same thing.. This guy you love… He’s married… BE happy for him. LET him go… ITS NOT A GOOD THING enna he still remembers you… and its WORSE enna you like the fact enna he’s not moving on…


Another issue mo 3ajbatni bel banat… of course not all of them… But MANY… They have this obsession about guys who don’t want them… Mathalan…

Girl: wayhh shfe hatha 7ann.. I don’t want him hff!! Shyabi feni laishh kella e7en??

(a month passes… The girl doesn’t hear from this guy)

Girl thinks: hmmm.. Sh3enda? Shda3wa he didn’t call? Shda3wa ma yes2al..? Shfeee??

(Two other weeks pass… Girl tshof guy eb msn faj2a dash online..)

Girl: hiii….

Boy: ahlan

Girl: Shlonek?

Boy: ebkhair el7mdela…

Girl (fifteen minutes later): Busy?

Boy: ee shway.. Brb..

Girl thinks: What the hell?? Shfeeee hatha?? WHO the hell does he think he is? Ana eli maa abeee a9lan…

(two weeks pass.. Msn again)

Girl: Hiiiii

Boy: ahlaaain

Girl: shda3wa mn zeman 3aaanek??

Boy: walla mawjood..

Girl: eee ma tes2al wala shay.. Wainekk??

Boy: heheh t3arfeen dawamm oo chethi..

Girl: ee awal kent etdawem ba3ad bs kent kela tes2al..

Boy: ee el sheqel b3d ta3ab oo chethi..

Girl: Oh okay ta3aal abiii agolekk salfa..

(Boy mayredd 3alaihaaa.. Tan6er 7 minutes)

Girl: Aloooo

Boy: hala?

Girl: Wback

Boy: lol ma re7t mukan..

Girl thinks: AKEED hatha laaageeeela wa7da!!! MENU hathii??

Then tabdi el legaafa… not because she’s interested in him… bss because gaaam ma ya36eeha wayh… So faj2a 9ar “HOT”!! please banaat…

Tadron fe mathal egol : lebnaya methel el kura.. 7e6ha fog rasik et6e7... Bss throw her at the wall etredlik…

Is that what you really want guys to think about us? What about our strength? What about our education, our hobbies, our personalities, oo wayed things… Why do girls hide those amazing things with surfacy shallowy crap… ya3ne come on… Grow up… (ga3da agol 7g nafsi to grow up as well… ga3da awajeh moshkela bel da3ala)…

Please goloooli what you think of this issue… abi ur opinions please :D:D:D



This post ehda2 to alooshy;) Hope I expressed your feelings eb hal mawtho3 lol!

I need your help people!!

3ndi moshkelaa.. oo I need advice.. I'm seriously considering seeing a psychiatrist...

maaa agdar anam belail... la2 la2 mo as in laili nahar oo nahari lail... 7attan lo mwa9la... oo an6er lain belail 3shan anamm.. 3adii jeddan awa9el again... I have this thing where I just don't sleep at night... and I have no idea laish... etha nemt at 12 (VERY early)... I sleep half an hour then wake up... sleep an hour then wake up... sleep another half hour then wake up... gemt at3ab wayedd le2anna i end up not sleeping at all le2anna mabbi el yom ythee3...

Fa please... if anyone has any remedies or any advice or anything agdar asawiii bel bait to create the mood mal el nommmm....!! please i would be very thankful....;***

Still the first to wish u a good one...

I hope life treats you kind...

and I hope you have all you've dreamed of....

and I wish to you joy and happiness...

but above all this, I wish you love..

Feb 19th is only 12 hours away... Happy Birthday... I truly wish you the best birthday and many more to come;*

Abla Nora...

For those of you who don’t know her… it’s a mosalsala…

Abla Nora is a principal eb a girl’s school… She was happily married and had no kids… She dedicated her whole life to helping her students… They were all the children she never dreamed she could have. She also gave them time outside school hours. She considered her self a person who was responsible of raising those girls… Not only disciplining them… bema3na… she saved many lost souls… Connected many of them with their families… gave many of them love…


She was madly in love with her husband of over 25 years… 3abdelra7man… He loved her back… He loved her with all his might… Even though she couldn’t bare children… Though, she did raise his baby brother... 3abdelra7man adored every inch of her… He gave her everything and was constantly by her side… He also participated in her small expeditions to save her student’s lives… He took her job seriously and respected everything that she was about…


One day, she got a phone call… 3abdelra7man died in a car accident… He was in his car… With his secret second wife…


Abla Nora was at a loss for words… She couldn’t express her loss nor could she show emotion… He betrayed her… For 7 years he has been married.. He has a six year old daughter… and a newborn son… The kids had no family and now are orphans… She couldn’t take them in.. They were the indicator of the lie and betrayal she has been living in for the past seven years…


Suddenly, she learned that 3abdelra7man’s daughter was called nora… and his son was called m7amad (3ala uboo abla nora)… her heart softened…


Ana.. 3ndi two emotions… a part of me hated 3abdelra7man… another part of me was really confused…

Awal shay… Etha 3abdelra7mannnnn eli I don’t think ako rayel methla, yegdar ekhon abla nora… I’m SO afraid of what our future holds, as women.. Why didn’t he tell her… maybe she would have been sad bss tertha in the end etha he wants children and she wants him to be happy..

Thani emotion, is opposite of the first.. How could a man cheat on his wife yet love her enough to call his children 3alaiha… Is it true? And is it Okay etha khan’ha oo kept the truth menha as long as still e7ebha oo ma 7asas’ha enna fe ghair’ha?


Please abeekum u comment le2anna awal marra I sympathize weya a man who cheats yet hate him to the core eb nafs el wagt… jadd for the first time ma 3ndii an opinion….. Plz give ur opinion;**

If life is but a nightmare... This is mine...

It was Five pm… I was done with my classes and ate lunch… It was the time I usually got in my car and headed to my daily destination… I entered the building and my soul felt darkness… It was the same darkness I felt every time I stepped into this gloomy building… I despised every corner of the hallways I was passing… It felt like I was walking for a lifetime.. No matter how short the hall was, it was still too long… I wanted to reach there faster… After the two longest minutes of my day, the door was finally within sight. It was the same door that disclosed both the happiest part of my life as well as the part that was going to ruin what was left of me… Forever…

I took a deep breath, mustered up hardly any courage I had, and entered the room…
He smiled, that beautiful smile… Even though he had lost all that weight.. He was still the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on… I kissed his forehead and gave him a soft hug, soft enough to avoid hurting his fragile body. I took out some cream, spread it on his legs, and began to massage them… He was too drained to speak.. All he could do at that crucial time was nod and smile. Suddenly, he broke my heart into tiny little pieces…

Him: baba… tadren shkether 7asanat g3da taaakhtheen al7en?

Me: yubba! Enta tadre eni a7eb ahamzek…

Him: (looking at me.. Smiling.. His eyes tearing up… staring at me… as if to memorize my features) Tadren ena entay mn bdd khwaanech.. Ur identical to me… entayyy neskheti…. You’re everything that I am… You’re everything that I wanted to be…

I went to hold his hands… He looked at my sister… Who was holding his other hand… silently crying…

Him: (talking to my sister) entay kentay ajmal shay shefta eb 7ayatii laiman enwaladtay…

Sister: (breaking down) yubbaa laaatmoooot!! Allaaaaaahhh ykhaleeekk…

He smiled… Looked at us both… Kissed both our hands… he was smiling that smile… That smile that told us not to worry… That everything was going to be okay… That he loved us more than life itself…

My sister left…

Me: yubba… You have to fight… Lazem you resist it…

Him: (he smiled and his eyes said it all… It said that even though he was terrified… it was time to go…)

Me: yubba tell me what you’re feeling?

Him: ta3baaan…

Me: Do you feel that you’re going to die?

Him: (he nods..)

I slept every night… Resisting any negative thought. He was going to live… He was going to be alive… He was going to be there like he promised… Then a month passed… And he lost his ability to speak… We communicated through nods and smiles and cries and sighs… We eventually decided to let him write what he wanted to say… My siblings and mother were next to him.. We were kissing him and joking around… He took the pen and wrote:

Bssssskum kisses…

Me: Ma tabiii nbooosek??

He wrote: Hahahahaha

He was Joking!!! We burst out laughing… That was SO like him…

He was falling more heavily asleep… He began to sleep a lot… The days were so scary… The nights were so hopeless… All we ever wanted was to hear his voice… One more time…
Unexpectedly, on a Tuesday afternoon while he was sleeping… He called my mother’s name….

Him: 7ayati…

Mom: (shocked and hurriedly went to his side) 7abeeeeeeeebbi….

Him: deeray balech 3ala banati…

Mom: (a tear drops on her cheek.. For the man who was her everything for the past 34 years)

Him: 7abeebti…

Mom: ya 7abeebii amer!!

Him: bacher ana weyachh.. Bnetqada bro7naa.. Abi *********** (his favorite dish)…

He was speaking in his sleep… He wasn’t even able to eat or drink anything for the past three months. He lived on the IV drips. Wednesday morning, I woke up at 8 am… I wasn’t in the mood to go to my morning class.. Since I was ditching, I decided to go to the hospital. It was the first time in three months that I went there at that time in the day… I kissed his forehead… Read him Quran.. Asked him if he wanted water. He nodded… I helped him drink the water and kissed his cheek…

Me: Love you;* (he smiled)

Faj2a…. All my siblings came to the hospital… They all weren’t in the mood to go to dawam…. The doctor came in, checked on him… Looked at us…

Doctor: You all understand how hard this is for me to say… But you all wanted me to say the truth… Since the beginning… Your father has entered a coma.. His body will move… His eyes will open… It might seem that he’s listening to you.. But he’s not… I’m so sorry…

One minute my dad was there… The other minute he was gone… (In a coma)

Everyone came to the hospital… All my uncles, cousins, father’s friends… For he had forbidden them from the burden of seeing him in that condition… I went home at 11 pm… Though I didn’t sleep, I closed the lights and lay there… blacking out anything that could SUGGEST I live my life without my dad!

Brother: wake up.. Wake up…

Me: Shesaaalfa??? Esa3aa chammmm??

Brother: Esa3a 2 el fayer… yalla bawadeech el Mustashfaaa..

Me: Uboooy fee shay????

Brother: laa bss ta3ban…

I reached the hospital… Went upstairs… I knew it… He was gone… I passed the images of my brothers, cousins, uncles…. Kanaw met’lathmeen.. Bss their eyes stabbed my heart with poisonous daggers… A flashback of my childhood with my dad… Our long talks.. Our memories… The hugs… The kisses… The protectiveness… The sense of completeness… The walks… and mostly… The existence of the most amazing creature that ever lived… My beloved father… I held him one more time… I couldn’t cry… No tears were going to escape the prison that my body had became… I kissed my peaceful dad and whispered into his ears one last time…

“You will always be the number one man in my life…”

I sent a msg to one of my best friends: He’s gone…

No longer than two hours later… They began to arrive… My best friends… They didn’t speak a single word… They were just there… I laid and placed my head on my friend’s lap… I closed my eyes and found no words to express how I felt… For I had lost a piece of me when I lost my dad… A piece that left when he left… A piece that won’t ever come back… A piece that made me who I was… But I knew that everything was going to be okay… “el 7emdela…” I say… Because Allah ra7 e3aweth…

Pat yourself on the back.. You've become just another hypocrite..

((بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم))

إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ يُخَادِعُونَ اللّهَ وَهُوَ خَادِعُهُمْ وَإِذَا قَامُواْ إِلَى الصَّلاَةِ قَامُواْ كُسَالَى يُرَآؤُونَ النَّاسَ وَلاَ يَذْكُرُونَ اللّهَ إِلاَّ قَلِيلاً

((صدق الله العظيم))

“Surely the hypocrites strive to deceive Allah, and He shall requite their deceit to them, and when they stand up to prayer they stand up sluggishly; they do it only to be seen of men and do not remember Allah save a little. (The Women 4.142)”

Initially, I would like to begin by admitting that even though I never ever miss one single prayer, I'm very fast... Because I can't miss any prayer, it has become a part of my daily routine rather than 5 minutes to actually talk to Allah (sub7ana wa ta3ala..) Mako khushoo3 oo hal shay wayed emthayegni and I really want to fix it...

Hypocrites... Many of the readers will argue with me because they DO believe in privacy.. First of all, so do I... I believe (وإذا بُليتم فاستتروا)... When you do something, especially when its wrong, keep it to your self... When you find out something about other people, keep it to your self....

However, what I despise is when people do wrong things and ACT infront of people like its the WORST thing in the world, just to make everyone aware that they would never do such thing...

Case 1: While chatting with friends, I would defend love marriages, even though at the time I was just a seventeen yearold kid who never even considered knowing a guy.. Then this girl (who at the time has already been in 3 relationships) would say --> UMBAIII BANAT EKALMON!!! hathaaill maaaa yadrooon enna eliiii ekaaalemhaaaaa gaaa3eddd ege9 3alaaaiha?!? a9laaan Lo wa7ed e7ebhaa chann he came from the door oo kha6abha!!....

She made ME seem like the bad one... Although SHE was the one with the boyfriend...

Case 2: (another girl I know who used to be in a serious relationship when she was nineteen)... She turned 24 and got engaged in a traditional way... Then when girls asked her how being engaged felt like, she said:: waaaayhhhh wanaasaa Finally agdar akalem.. i've been waiting for so long...

What on earth??? NO ONE ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD A PAST!! Why el film laish??

Case 3: Parents allow their daughters to go with girls based on how appropriatley dressed they are, how supposedly strict their parents are..etc. If they somehow heard that the girl has a past... she's a definite NO NO! I agree with parents.. They love their daughters.. They don't want them to be negatively influenced.. But if the friend was an american girl, who used to go to school with your daughters.. She's your daughter's friend and they want to go out... Would U, a mother, say no?

I think not.... why? Because she's American.. She's not Muslim... She's not a bad person, even if there is a chance she goes clubbing, drinks, has one night stands... (Not suggesting they do all that.. just stating some possibilities) Why isnt it bad? Because she's from a different society...

What do I call that... Hypocrisy!

- Parents preach to their children about right and wrong... Then only hold their daughters accountable for their actions.

- A girl is abnormal if she thinks a soccer player on TV is hot... bss when her brother watches rated r scenes, shegolon? --> ee ba3ad he's a guy.. its bound to happen.

- Oprah talking about kegel exercises--> MUFEEED... Fozeya drai3 talking about sex--> QALELAT ADAB...

- A Kuwaiti guy falls in love with a european girl... accepts her past... accepts her mistakes... accepts her differences... tolerates her religion... Same guy falls for a kuwaiti girl, Oh kalemat wa7ed... la maaaagdar! SHLON ANA RAYAL ARTHA!!! tolerate her differences? I don't think so.. I have to think etha badu 7athar senna she3a etc.

- Girls who have done so many things with their boyfriends call other girls bad names... Why? le2anna 7alal 3alaihum oo 7aram 3ala ghairhum...

I have standards... morals... limits... No matter where I am... But I believe that every one on this planet has a story...

I'm not advocating bad behavior... Not at all... In fact I'm against it completely.. To be honest, I've observed this group of three girls... One of them is very honest about her rendezvous.. The other two girls appear to be very appropriate but in real life, they're really wilder than their friend. Ironically, the two "conservative looking" girls talk behind eachother's back all the time. They try to influence people all the time. They are not loyal whatsoever. The openly active one however, is very sweet and never talked about anyone.. She did her thing and made sure she didn't harm anyone but herself.

Its your choice to be their friend or not, to criticize them or not... We all choose to be around those who make us most comfortable... However its not your choice to mock others, to judge them, and most importantly, to think that you are better than them when you do the same things they do but secretly... That just makes you a hypocrite! Atleast they are honest and admit their mistakes... Atleast THEY feel sorry and try to teach others by sharing their bad experiences... Atleast they don't lie and trick you to be their friend... The way hypocrites do....

I'm here edwaard!! I'M HERE!!!!!

Stephanie Meyer! I hope you're very happy that my life has NO MEANING anymore!

People.. Sheft el movie THREE times!!! ooo KEL marra the Edward effect gaaa3ed ezeeed! Shloooon e6aaale3haa!!! GOD shlooon e6aaale3ha!! His piercing eyes! Shlonn intense.. Shlon he's protective.. wayhhhhhhh... Me and Sobo (my friend) have been to it three times.. and kel marra en9eer more violent 3ala ba3ath whenever something e3aqed happens (which was pratically the whole time) Please golooli enna no one exists methlaa.. cuz etha fe love chethi... Where the hell have I been the past TWENTY years!!!!

I wish I could erase your Existence...

Regret… Is it just sadness and disappointment? For some people it is that simple… For others, its sadly way beyond the feeling of remorse.

Did you ever meet someone and regret the day you ever acknowledged their existence?
To some of us, we might regret meeting a person because they caused us pain and made us waste our precious time filling us with doubt and insecurities… In this case, we regret being the victim…

However, my concern is with those of you who have befriended people who made you do things that no one in their right mind would do.. They made you lose the morals you’ve been raised by and building for years, in one tiny second.. You feel like you want earth to crumble and swallow you in… At times you forget about it because you keep yourself busy… But reality always comes back uninvited.. If you feel this way, let me tell you this..

A Life without any regrets does not exist! You CANNOT avoid it! Bsss…. Its in your hands to turn your regrets from burdens that impede your future and happiness, into motivation to move on with your life..

1) Find out what you really regret. Was is something beyond your control? Did you hurt someone? It is important to put your feelings aside and ask yourself to identify the REAL problem..

2) If you hurt someone.. Ask for their forgiveness, even if they don’t believe you committed a mistake. Forgive yourself.. And forgive whoever was responsible for influencing you into your bad habits.

3) Don’t hold a grudge. Accept responsibility and promise yourself to better handle such situations in the future.

4) Deal with the harmful relationships with people that make you do things that leave you with serious regrets. If you have done so already, be proud that you already took the biggest step to heal yourself from the guilt trips.

People;*** No matter what your mistakes encompass… they can be salvaged and fixed if you really feel sorry… Those same mistakes you made can be used to help others avoid them. Its in your hands to pay it forward. So use your experience to help your little brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, and most importantly, your children. You can save a kid who has made the same mistake because you’ll be there to understand, to give hope… We are humans. Our life won’t ever consist straight perfect lines. It will have curves and rough edges and bumps. We have faults and flaws and we all commit one sin or the other.. Give yourself a break… No one is here to judge, just to love;**

Friends Forever??

We were all raised with our cousins... Raised like brothers and sisters.. We loved eachother.. We never did anything without eachother.. Then we grew up.... Then... We changed....

Its only natural that people change when they grow up... And along with that, their paths change as well... You can't force someone to do something that isn't part of their plan just for the sake of your relationship... Its only natural... But the LOVE is still there...

Hatha kela 6abee3i.. bss The new trend these days is the sudden jealousy of cousins. Ironically, it all starts when they reach the age of marriage.. All of my friends used to be really close with their cousins... until faj2a... their cousins started giving them the cold shoulder..

Example (1) --> Bride to be: Laa Laaa You don't have to tekshekheeen tra 7afletiii ma feha elaa bss e7na oo our cousins... Faj2a umat mu7amad and the girl wasn't prepared because they told her it wasn't a big party..

Example (2) --> The girls were raised together as sisters... all six of them... then 4 of them got engaged and started to ignore the other two... and after being best best best friends for 19 years of their lives... how do they find out enna Banat khalat'hum enkha6baw,,,,????? mnn el MSG!!! as in 7alhum mn 7al strangers...

Example (3)--> The mother of the bride: LATGOLEN 7gg a7add shbetsaween bel 3ers tesme3eeni?? akhaff ebogooon our ideas.... Then the mother of the other cousin eli mo makh6ooba:: SHEFTAYY?? sheftaaayyy Shlonn banat 3amech kelhum tezaawejaww ela entayy ya 7athii.. lebsaaay lebsaaay elaa et9eeereeeeen a7laaaaa mn el 3arooooss!!

Example (4) --> a guy proposed to a girl.. she didn't accept... He proposed to her cousin... She accepts... Suddenly... 3adawa bainhum....

Example (5) --> Girl: UMBAI I have to graduate with better grades.. I have to Go to Med school... (her friend): laish med? since when do you like med? (girl): HELLO since bent 3ametii got accepted into harvard!! oo bent khalti just khale9at CFA level 2.. oo bent 3ami is valedictorian of her class.... Tadreeeen Shkether ummi oo uboyyy lay3a chabdhum meni??

Example (6) --> Raised together for fifteen years... basically live in eachother's houses... suddenly.. reached the age of 20... el gherooor madre mn wain... suddenly their cousins only befriend certain "types" of people... Suddenly everything 3ndehum "halaga" oo "wain ga3deen"...


Come on people...

Mothers, slow down 3ala your daughters... If your daughter is getting married.. You should be happy and realize that its so much more fullfilling to have people happy for your daughter than it is to have them jealous... If your daughter isn't married, don't pressure her... This is the prime of her life.. She's young.. she has friends.. she loves her life..

Cousins, lat9eroon jealous... Remember the memories you had with your cousins, your childhood, your whole past.. Our history is what made us who we are in the present.. Don't let your parents compare you and create this hatred... If you grow to have different views, avoid fights.. but never let it reach jealousy...

For el banat eli fqedaw el amaaal mn their cousins (Like many people I know)... Look around at your friends... I personally am shocked by what jealousy has done to cousins.. but i realized that allah sub7ana e3aweth... Your girlfriends can replace your cousins... They're your sisters, your soulmates....

Everyone says a husband is the most important thing in the world.. Your family (cousins, blood relatives) is the most important thing in the world... Your Future is the most important thing in the world.. Don't give up those things for "friends"...

Well... When your husband/boyfriend breaks your heart... Isn't it your friend that puts the pieces back together?

When your cousins confuse you and betray you... isn't it your friend that brings you the bucket of ice cream to make you smile..

When you get fired and your future takes a different turn... isnt't it your friend that tells you "its okay... Where ever your future may take you, I'm right there next to you..."

Never underestimate friendship... its the most captivating thing this world offers...

Can you spell "Intimidation?" Anyone..

Imagine this situation...

I'm out with my girlfriends to study for our exams... My friend (amoosh) and I were in a table alone nadress... and My other friend (sobo) was sitting b3eeeeeeed studying alone.. Then comes along a woman (late twenties) with her husband/boyfriend... looking VERY suspicious... They sit next to Sobo! Fifteen minutes later... Sobo got up to order something... The wife et6ale3ha mn fog laih ta7aaat... then.... THEN... SABAT'HA!! JEDAMI... She saw me look at her... then looked away guiltily...

What the hell?! Okay okay.. There are some sick single girls that try to flirt with "taken men".. Bss Sobo 7adha not one of them.. I mean.. training pants , oversized shirt.. uggs.. her hair in a stupid bun mn 9ba7 allaah khair... NOT even a single makeup product touched her face that day... I admit it... if someone can pull off the natural look... it would definitely be sobo! beauty mashalla... bss SO what! This situation happens over and over and over again...

As soon as married women walk by, they suddenly hold on to their husband's arms and show pda out of NO where...

For those married girls out there who walk eb theqa, and smile every once in a while, good for you... You know what you are and what you're worth...

As for those of you who stare up and down and show your bad side... Please understand that We're not all here to dethrown you... Your actions don't scare us.. They only show how intimidated you are by us...

Gaza... Why on earth should I care?

Gaza… We’ve been endlessly hearing this two syllable word.. Getting sick of it? I mean.. okay.. We feel sorry for them.. But why on earth should we care?? That’s the question..
Being Kuwaiti, Your loyalty is first and foremost dedicated to Kuwait, isn’t it? And akeed no one will ever get over what happened nineteen years ago. And lets face it. Facts say that Palestine ma wgefaw weyana bel qazu.. So why should we care?
This is for the people who feel bad about Gaza, but don’t care enough… This is for those people who are simply indifferent.. For people who were exactly like me… Until a wise friend of mine told me this..
“Get out of Kuwait… Get out of this continent.. Get out of this planet… Look at earth from afar… and look at the big big big picture…”
Those are women who are going back home, only to find all their children dead.. These are men who are raised to protect their mothers, sisters, and daughters.. Only come home to find them gone.. One after the other…
Imagine yourself bel kwait.. Your nanny waking you up, your breakfast ready for you, talbeson lehdoom elii entaw shareenha 3ala kaifkum, grabbing your car keys, going to dawamkum bel jam3a, laughing with your girlfriends, studying with them, hanging out with them, dressing up and going out to have fun… The opportunities you’re given to be educated, to work, to gain power and knowledge… The laughs, the memories… Can you imagine being stripped from all of that..?
Those human beings have lost their homes, their clothes, their food, their friends, their families… and the most horrific thing, their freedom… all in the blink of an eye…
Lazem kelena ngol El 7emdela enna e7na 3aysheeen bel kwait… allah ya7feth’ha oo ya7fethkum;** oo allah y3eenhum… Don’t be indifferent.. Care about them… Don’t just feel bad.. Care about them.. Even by just simply reading news about them.. Even by just sending them a couple of outfits you even forgot you owned.. Even by just feeling sympathy…
Captivated à the Reason behind the name of this blog:
This post is dedicated to this wise friend, who opened my eyes about gaza… Thank you, for I am captivated by every word you ever say;**

New...

All these miles that separate.. disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face, I'm here without you baby, you're still on my lonely mind...

I miss you daddy.. SO much.. You can't imagine how much my life changed.. I knew you were sick but I never imagined that I would go on this life without you... When I talked to you.. You told me.. latkhafeen 3alay 7abeeebti.. ma ra7 e9eer feni shay.. ra7 asheel 3yaaalech enshalla .. and now you're gone.. its almost a year later.. and I'm okay.. I just miss you so much.. I miss my best friend.. The number one man in my life.. My role model.. My everything.. Bss I wish you could know that i'm okay.. that my friends took care of me, they picked up all my broken pieces and put me back together.. that my grades are great.. that i drive now.. finally lol,, we all love you;**

I'm So new at this.. madre shesalfa.. eheheh bss jadd.. these blogs i've been reading.. specially chicken soup for the kuwaiti soul.. liivingmyliife.. umm oo SO much more.. walla it was so much fun.. oo i've been meaning to start a blog for a really really long time.... its taqreban 5:06 in the morning oo waray deraasa e9eb7.. Oo enshalla they'll be better posts next time.. nom el 3awaafi for every sane person sleeping ;**