Winter breeze...

The beautiful winter breeze is soon visiting our land
I can feel it close by when outside on the balcony I stand

It is my favorite place to be this time in the year
Its calm, peaceful, beautiful, and there's nothing to fear

I sit, cover myself with a blanket, and gather my every thought
No one can disturb the serenity, which is what i always sought

Its different this time, I find myself lost and confused
My thoughts aren't comforting anymore, I'm rarely amused

I know I have complained and battled my inner self many a time
I myself don't understand why I have fallen before i ever tried to climb

Its time that those who love me, give up too on who i can become
My discontent will push them away, To my mediocrity I should just succumb

I know that in the end, it is only I, who's expectations were never met
But no man likes to associate himself with a loser who wastes time being upset

Oh how I wish everything can be fixed in just the blink of an eye
That's how lazy I am, wishing for an easy way out, I don't know why

I fully understand now how no man has ever fallen for me
I don't blame them, Not even I can look at a mirror and stand the reflection I see

The problem here is that I'm smart and I know I can just fix it all
I don't need advice nor an intervention, I already got the wake up call

My greatest fear is my insecurities might cost me those i love the most
I have already become a burden, I'm sure they're already grossed

Its because of them I can smile everyday, and have a shred of hope and drive
Hope that someday I might be the person I want to be, the person that would strive

Meanwhile, I gather my thoughts on the balcony, hug my knees, and rest my head
Praying I can peacefully sleep tonight, hopefully without the help of any meds.